


What Hunger Feels Like

by Ereana



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Difficult Decisions, Fallen Angels, Hinata suffers, Light Angst, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Polyamory, The other three don't like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28667115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ereana/pseuds/Ereana
Summary: Hinata knew what lay in store for him when he chose to Fall. He doesn't regret it and would choose the three men beside him each and every time.But the gnawing pain that grows stronger each day threatens to break him and while he had resigned himself to fading away, they had not.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88
Collections: Rose's Birthday Collection 2021





	What Hunger Feels Like

Hinata has never felt hunger before, not in the physical sense at least. He knew what it was and had watched countless humans struggle with the sensation. He knows about famine, starvation, the need for nourishment, but only in the abstract way of someone who would never truly understand it. The same way a person might know that a snake sheds its skin but never understand what it felt like to do so themselves.

But that was  _ Before _ .

Before he fell.

Before he made a choice that cut him off from the celestial divine power of the heavens that had sustained him for centuries.

Before he started to fade.

It starts small: a few feathers on his pillow in the morning, an ache in his wings that never quite goes away no matter how many soothing massages Atsumu and Bokuto give him.

_ Warm hands on his back. Fingers running through his hair. The comforting beat of a heartbeat in his ear as he sighs and leans back into the embrace.  _

_ A physical intimacy that was still so new to him even after everything they’ve been through. _

Then there were the dreams, or rather nightmares, which began to plague him. At first, just one every two weeks but slowly increasing in frequency until it was rare for him to have a night where he didn’t wake up panting and covered in sweat, his eyes wide and seeing only fiery horrors and terrible punishment.

_Sakusa,_ _always the last one to reach out and physically touch any of them —_ _dying in the epidemic of the Tenpyo era could do things to a guy, after all_ — _holds him tight and whispers nothing words of comfort in his ear. Reminding Hinata that he’s here with him and not chained helpless to a rock, his wings broken as lava seared his feet. It’s Sakusa whose hand he takes in a vice-like grip and promises he’ll still be there in the morning._

His skin turns pale, losing the telltale golden glow that once poured out from him like a miniature sun. His powers fade, and he can’t join them on any of their more risky ventures when it becomes clear he’s a liability.

_ That more than anything terrifies him. The thought that he won’t be there and he’ll lose one of them to something he could have stopped. What if one day Bokuto doesn’t return beaming with pride and covered in the muck of some unknown foe, boasting about how he beat the thing in single combat? What if one day he comes to the living room and Atsumu isn’t lounging on the couch with all nine of his beautiful tails on display, fangs out and claws sharp dripping with the blood of the last hunter who thought they could take down the powerful nogitsune? What if one of them gets lucky? What if one day Sakusa isn’t there complaining about how Bokuto stored his raw meat in  _ his  _ fridge again  _ —  _ which everyone knows is separate for Sakusa’s blood because the vampire is very particular in how he stores it — because someone’s finally managed to thrust a stake through his heart? _

_ What if Hinata loses the men he Fell for because of the very thing he did to stay with them? _

It takes everything within him not to cry when he realises he can no longer fly. His wings are so heavy, and the pure white has changed to a dull lifeless grey. He doesn’t look at them in the mirror anymore, the sign of a dying thing wilting in its last days on earth.

_ Atsumu loves his wings, always finding an excuse to touch them and the first to volunteer when they needed grooming. Clawed hands that were the deadliest of weapons stroked his feathers gently with reverence and care. _

_ “They’re beautiful, Shou-kun,” he whispers one night when it’s just the two of them outside under the stars. Atsumu’s expression is open, and when he smiles, it’s genuine and full of something that makes Hinata’s throat turn dry. “Guess that’s to be expected, they are a part of ya after all. And yer the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time.” _

The sky that was once a comfort, a place to lose himself when he didn’t want to think about the cruel reality of what was happening to him, was now a taunting symbol of everything he was going to lose.

Hinata had always loved to fly.

It had been his favourite thing to do, soaring higher and higher, until the air was thin and he could run a hand through the clouds. He remembered teaching Natsu how to take off safely. The two of them laughing and mucking around as siblings do, he’d always grab her and close his wings sending them into a dizzying freefall with his sister’s joyful screams ringing in his ears when he reopened them just before they hit the ground.

_ Even through the mask, Hinata can tell Sakusa is grimacing. He resists the urge to reach up and rub the tiny frown he can see furling the handsome vampire’s brow. It didn’t take him long to pick up that Sakusa does not like to be touched, and Hinata would hate to make him feel uncomfortable. _

_ “Is that a leaf in your hair?” _

_ Hinata pats his head and sure enough a few leaves, a twig. and what he thinks is a crow feather are tangled in his hair. _

_ “Huh? Yeah, I think so. Must have happened when I landed in that tree,” he says with a sheepish smile. He had been flying at a high speed, but that phoenix had been wicked fast and he didn’t want to lose sight of it. _

_ Sakusa bristles and points his finger at the sofa. “Sit,” he orders and a bemused Hinata does so, wondering at the odd tension he can see in his friend’s spine and in the set of his shoulders. He’s usually better than Bokuto and Atsumu about avoiding the vampire’s ire, and he’s not sure what he’s done to warrant it this time apart from arriving with a bit of a bird’s nest in his hair. _

_ Cold hands start to pick out the bits of debris, and Hinata forces himself to sit still. Sakusa works with single-minded intent and doesn’t speak once. It’s not an uncomfortable silence though, and Hinata is reluctant to break it. Reluctant to do anything that might stop the careful fingers running through his hair. _

And then there’s the hunger.

The gnawing gaping hole that opens inside him craving  _ something _ . Human food doesn’t work. He can taste it, but it doesn’t offer any sustenance to his divine body. The direct link between him and the celestial host that sustained him for centuries had been cut, and Hinata had run out of energy.

It clawed at him. Kept him awake at night. Caused him to dig his nails into his arms at dinner oblivious to the three pairs of eyes that watched him with growing concern and resolve.

It made him feel desperate.

Draining his power until he could no longer hold a physical form and his soul would scatter to the four corners of the earth.

The other option was unthinkable. 

He wouldn’t let himself fall further. He wouldn’t become a devil. He’d rather die.

He just hadn’t thought it would be such a slow death.

But he’d accepted it. Hinata would take what time he had left and make the most of it, so that when he died he could do so with a full heart. That was the plan at least, but he hadn’t counted on them: the three he’d made the ultimate sacrifice for, the three men who watched him deteriorate with burning eyes and  _ planned _ and  _ researched _ and  _ refused _ to let the world take anything else from them.

It happens suddenly.

“Hinata, can you come to the living room please?” Sakusa’s voice wakes him up, and he blinks groggily at the ceiling. He hates having to rest during the day, and the weakness in his limbs is a clear indication that it’s not done him any good.

Unwilling to let Sakusa wait for long, he pulls himself out of bed and pulls a blanket over his shoulders in a vain attempt to warm himself. Each day he feels a little colder. He rubs his eyes and yawns as he steps into the living room.

“Yeah? What did you want, Omi-kun...guys?” Hinata stops and takes in the scene in front of him. As tired as he feels it takes a few seconds to fully understand what’s going on.

Bokuto is crouching on the top of the sofa, golden eyes shining with barely restrained triumph, and the claws digging into the plush cushions are a timely reminder that the next full moon is approaching soon. When Hinata enters, he turns to him with a grin that despite everything makes Hinata smile back without thinking.

It’s not Bokuto who draws his attention though.

Sakusa and Atsumu are standing in the middle of the room. Atsumu looks pleased, and even Sakusa seems satisfied about whatever they’ve done now.

There are two unconscious men in front of them: one dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, the other in a suit that looked like it was worth three times more than their cozy apartment. Hinata could feel Atsumu’s magic on them dark and heady that danced around their heads, and he could spot bruises on their wrists and ankles.

“What’s going on?” He asks cautiously. He doesn’t recognise either of the two men, and from what he can tell, they’re both human. Maybe hunters? But neither Sakusa or Atsumu would risk bringing them here to their home.

Atsumu bears his teeth in a mockery of a smile. “We figured out how to feed ya, Shou-kun. How ta stop ya from dying.”

_ What? _

It’s impossible. There’s no way to stop the degradation, and he refuses to succumb to his baser instincts and turn into a devil. If that’s what they’re suggesting then—

Atsumu waves his hand, and his eyes flash gold.

_ THUMP. _

_ THUMP. _

Hinata can feel them; the souls of these two men shine to him as bright as a lighthouse in the dark. More than that, he knows that whatever Atsumu has done would let him reach out and touch them. He would be able to hold these souls in the palm of his hand. 

Divine energy crackles outward, and realisation hits him with the force of a lightning bolt, of what they want him to do to these two.

When he speaks, his voice is shaky. “Y-You can’t be serious.” He can’t believe what’s going on. Atsumu, Bokuto, and Sakusa are  _ good. They  _ can’t seriously think he’d go along with this, would they?

Atsumu’s smile drops, and Sakusa frowns. Only Bokuto appears unbothered by the shock and horror in Hinata’s tone, merely bouncing up and down on his haunches, the glee in his eyes never fading.

Sakusa raises a hand when Atsumu opens his mouth, easily cutting off whatever the kitsune was about to say. With his other, he points to the more casually dressed of the two strangers. “This man has murdered three people, the police aren’t going to find him, and I caught him before he was about to strike again, a woman and her young son.”

Hinata’s spine stiffens.

Sakusa points to the man in the suit, his voice calm but dripping with contempt. “This one’s been selling migrant women into slavery and prostitution. He’s got the backing of several politicians and is considered to be a pillar of the community.” Atsumu snorts and folds his arms.

“Pieces of shit, the pair of them, and so easy to capture too. Didn’t even put up a fight or nothin’.”

Sakusa stares at Hinata, and his eyes are blazing. “You know better than any of us that their souls are bound for hell, no use to heaven or any of your old friends. Why not make the most of them then? Why not use them to restore yourself? A soul is made of divine energy, and that’s what you need, right?”

The questions hit hard because of what they do. They open a door that Hinata hadn’t even considered, and he’s hit by the most dangerous of feelings.

Temptation and hope.

“I can’t.” He shakes his head. “This is wrong.”

He needs to leave, needs to rest, needs to do anything that would stop his head spinning and tear his eyes away from the way Atsumu’s face falls.

“Wrong? Shouyou, this could save ya! No one’s going to miss either of them, and the world will be a better place without ‘em.” Atsumu steps towards him and grips his shoulders tight. “I can’t— We won’t lose ya, not after everything we’ve been through.” His eyes are wild, and the illusion hiding his true appearance wavers under the force of his emotions.

Bokuto finally moves, jumping down from the couch and stretching languidly, unaffected by the rising tension in the room. He slings an arm around Hinata’s shoulder and speaks into his ear.

“Don’t mind Tsum-Tsum, you know how he gets when he’s worried. Why don’t you tell us what’s the matter? We thought this was a neat way to solve the problem, but you seem to disagree.”

Hinata is momentarily distracted by the sheer warmth of Bokuto’s body pressed up against his, it does more to banish the cold than a blanket ever could. Warm and alive and Hinata wants to curl up against him and forget about the rest of the world.

“I can’t do this, I can’t kill them just to—”

“To what? Survive?” Sakusa snaps at him. “Do you honestly think their lives are worth even a fraction of yours?” He narrows his eyes and continues unrepentant. “I used to kill to survive. You know that, did it ever make you look at me differently?”

“Of course not,” Hinata replies with a touch of anger, and Sakusa’s shoulders lose some of their tension.”But this...I—” He closes his mouth and looks away.

How to explain it’s looking at himself that would be the problem.

Atsumu is watching him and suddenly reaches up to cup his jaw. “Maybe there's a way to do this without killin’ em. But we don’t have time for that, Shou, not now. Not when…” Atsumu sucks in a breath and rests his forehead against Hinata’s. “Not when yer gettin’ worse and worse every day.”

It hurts. It hurts so much to hear the fear and pain in Atsumu’s voice and to know that he’s the cause of it.

His hunger roars back to the front of his mind. Stronger than ever now that he can sense something that can satiate it, something that could fill the hole in his being and restore him to what he was.

A dying man finds an oasis in the desert. But is he willing to pay the price to take a drink?

Hinata’s so tired of feeling hungry, of the gaping pit in his being that drains his strength and makes his partners worry. He thinks about the last time Natsu visited, how concerned she looked even as he tried to hide it. He wants to fly again, wants to stretch his wings and jump like he used to. A clawed finger gently runs down his neck. 

“Let go, Shouyou, you’ll feel so much better after I promise.” Bokuto curls an arm around him and pulls him so his back is against his chest. “Besides, you’ve already fallen, what’s another little sin if it means you get to stay with us? Don’t you want to stay with us?”

He does, he chose them, after all. He chose them over everything.

Doesn’t he deserve to stay with them after all he’s given up?

The souls call to him, and he can see the stains on them, the marks of evil that damn them, and if he really focuses, he can see flashes of memory. A young boy screams in the night, his hand raised to ward off the monster that no one can save him from. A woman cries and holds her child close as men speak in a language she doesn’t understand and sneer at her in disgust.

“Come on, Shouyou.”

“I— we ain’t gonna let ya kill yerself like this.”

“We need you here.”

He doesn’t want to leave them.

Hinata opens his eyes, and they glow white.

Atsumu sighs in relief, Bokuto’s grin turns feral, and Sakusa nods in approval.

The next day his wings are a glossy sleek black.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my friend [ Rose's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleRose) birthday prompt week, I went for the fantasy prompt. I'm very tempted to carry this on as a little mini-series with a one shot focusing on each of the four of them, as this was very much HInata-focused, so maybe a sequel will be posted one day. 
> 
> Feel free to come say hello on[ my twitter](https://twitter.com/Jen_B93) if you want, I post snippets from my WIP's and a friend of mine has done amazing graphic for this fic! As usual a massive thank you to my beta reader [vanellabean11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanellabean11/pseuds/vanellabean11) for all their hard work.


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